I ended up running away from home. I lived train station to train station and I went home with random men. I was sixteen at the time. Before I knew it I was in a place where I did not need to be. I don’t remember much. I just remember a lot of men, a lot of drugs. A lot of different men having a lot of different sex with me. I knew I needed to get out and I knew I needed to get out very quickly.
I got caught smoking my mom’s cigarettes in the bathroom. She took away my sixteenth birthday party. So, you know my world was ended.
I didn’t like the rules. I was a typical sixteen-year-old. I knew it all. Nobody could tell me anything.
I ended up running away from home. I lived train station to train station and I went home with random men. Some were kind and just let me stay there to shower and sleep. Some took advantage of me.
I ran into one who put me in the youth hostel. There I met a girl named Jessica who introduced me to an older man named George. George came and picked me up from the youth hostel. He put me in a hotel and took care of me. He got me all of the clothes that I needed. We had sexual relations. All I had to do was say, “I want this”, and he got it for me. He gave me money. If I wanted Chinese food he ordered it for me. He rented me movies on the TV to watch to keep me entertained. Whatever I wanted I had it right there on a silver platter. That was something I had never experienced so he loved me. In my mind, he loved me and he told me he loved me. So that was just a reiteration of what I was thinking. The story I was telling myself in my mind. He would take me out to dinner, lunch, breakfast, whatever, or whenever depending on the day and time of the day he would come and see me. We began having a relationship like a boyfriend and a girlfriend. We would hold hands going out. It didn’t seem anything like out of the ordinary of what you would have in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
A couple of weeks later he told me that he could not see me anymore. I didn’t understand why. Looking back, he was probably married and had a family of his own. I was devastated. My whole world came crashing down on my shoulders. Then he told me that he had somebody else that could take care of me though. A friend of his. He knew him well. He gave me the address and sent me to the city. We were just kind of friends. He tried to get close to me the first couple of nights but I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t want to talk to him like that. I even told him, I said, “I don’t like you like that.” After a couple of nights, he started to buy me things and it was that same cycle of insanity looking back. I thought, “well, he loves me too.” He took me to one of his friend’s houses and then that friend just passed me on to another guy and there were several guys in that house. They passed me around and one night I probably had sex with fifteen guys. I was just out of it. It was very, very fuzzy and blurred. I knew I needed to get out and I needed to get out very quickly.
Every morning I would go out. There was a gazebo thing. I would go out there and stand in the gazebo. There was a long driveway that went up to a hill. I just started walking. I just was in a daze. I just remember walking up to the hill and I just ran. I just ran and I didn’t stop. I ran to the train station. I jumped the train and went into the city where I went into another youth hostel and I called my mom. She got me out of that place.
About a year later I got pregnant with my first daughter. About four months after I had had my second daughter I moved out. I just decided I was going to go out and get a bartending job. So, I did and the first three nights I made six hundred dollars.
I started taking Adderal and it led to Cocaine that led to smoking Meth-amphetamine which led to snorting Meth-amphetamine which led to shooting it up.
I remember tying off my arm and I just closed my eyes. I said, “God, I hope that you can forgive me but I just can’t do this anymore.” I audibly heard Him speak to me and He said, “What are you doing? Don’t you know that you are far greater than rubies?”
On a nine-day binge, I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a year. She turned to me and said, “Sara, you look disgusting.” It’s not the words you want to hear from your friend in like a year but I needed to hear those words because it got my mind thinking about my actions. That night I was in the bathroom and I had everything in that syringe that you could think of Cocaine, Heroin, Methamphetamine. I knew that if I took that shot I was probably going to die but I didn’t care. I needed that hit. I was about to hit myself and she came into the bathroom, knocked the syringe out of my hand and she just held me.
I called my dad. I knew if I called my dad and told him the truth then it was all going to be okay. My drug issues were only the symptom of the court issues that I had struggled with. Fear, anger, control, and all those things I have dealt with. When I walked into Celebrate Recovery I met a family that loved me for who I was right where I was. I had been all over the place because of my past. I didn’t know anybody like that. I didn’t know people to love me like that. Through that, I have been able to heal.
I have been clean for five and a half years. My husband and I got married on December 7, 2019. We are happily married. We are a blended family so we have four children combined. God replaces what the locusts have stolen. He is faithful and He is true.
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