I met this girl. We were dating. We were in a relationship. She was super awesome, and I thought this girl is going to be “the one.” She and I just get together so well. We were doing great. We started sleeping together, then she ends up pregnant. She and I started arguing a little bit with the stress of the pregnancy and a lot of other things. So finally, I took her to a hospital to have an ultrasound done and to see the baby. I will never forget. She was two months pregnant, two and a half months. We heard the baby’s heartbeat. At the point, I realized that I was going to be a Dad. I was going to be a father. I have always loved children. I was finally going to get what I always wanted. I always wanted a kid.
Just before she was three months pregnant, we got into an argument. Then she doesn’t talk to me all weekend. It was probably about three or four days that she didn’t speak to me much. Then I find out through her friend that she had actually had an abortion. In my eyes, I had a lot of anger, a lot of hurt built up. To me, she had killed my child. If she didn’t want that baby, I would have taken care of it. That absolutely destroyed me. It caused me to go into a deeper slumber. It caused me to go into a deeper form of hurt, a hurt that I had never experienced before.
Immediately after her, I met another woman almost immediately after her and I broke up. Our relationship started to fall apart. A lot of other things started to happen between her and me ultimately that led to the decision for us to divorce. I was in a really bad place emotionally after that. I was considering things that nobody should do with their own life.
I get a call from a friend of mine. He says, “Hey buddy, I see you’re going through a hard time. My wife and I have been through similar. I want you to come to church with us. I want you to come check out our church.” I said, “Okay.” I will never forget the pastor, “If you’re hurting, if you need prayer, if you need anything, I want you to come. Come down to the alter.” I beelined down to that altar faster than anything. Every single alter call after that ripped layer after layer off of me.
The next biggest one that I can remember was the call for forgiveness. A man stood there in my place and said, “I am the woman who aborted your child. What do you want to say to me?” I will never forget. I cried uncontrollably, uncontrollably. I said, “I hated you for so long, but I forgive you for what you’ve done. I need to let go of this because it’s ruining my life.” After I did that, I fell to the ground. I was just completely exhausted of all emotion. I almost feel completely empty, completely drained, completely freed of everything that had held me back before. It wasn’t until I truly found God and truly found the ability to forgive through Him that I could move on from that. The thoughts of that child and the thoughts of what that child could be today are still there, but now with the forgiveness and with God in my heart, I know, I know that child is in heaven. I know that that child would tell me that it’s okay.
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