It was a pretty good size tumor. The tumor portion of itself was about the size of a golf ball but then it had a tail. It was pretty far into my head. The surgery getting the tumor out was more damaging than the tumor was. After I had my surgery, my Mom and I were on our way to church. My Mom started talking and sounded like she was really just jabbering on, not really talking about much at all. I kind of started ignoring her. This information was kind of beating me on the side of the head. I started listening and I instantly started crying. She was talking to me about how much God loves me and how He is not sitting there waiting for me to screw up. He is not sitting there waiting for me to do something wrong. My whole life I have loved God because if I didn’t I would go to hell and I would burn for all of eternity. That was hard. It was hard to follow God and to listen to Him when I am so scared of Him. After the surgery, I started noticing stars. I had never really looked up at the sky. I have always kind of been intimidated by how small I was. I’m not as smart as I used to be. I have trouble with math sometimes but I can paint. I love colors and am less focused on two plus two equals four and more on how pretty the four can be written. Does that make sense? On my way to church that morning when my Mom was talking to me, that’s the moment when it really clicked. The Holy Spirit pushed right into my head and down to my heart and I felt it for the first time ever. By the time I got to church, which was only about ten minutes later, I was running around the church making sure that everybody knew that God loved them and that He was awesome! He was a good awesome and not a scary awesome. I loved Him because I kind of had to because He was so big and I was so little. But now I know that He is really big and He loves me because I am His kid. That makes me pretty big too.
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