I started manipulating men. I started using what I knew that I could use and that was my body. I began dancing on different stages. That’s when the Lord spoke to me and said; “Kelley, absolutely not, you are a virgin, you are pure and you are holy. You might see him as the virgin but I see you as the virgin.
I came from a very broken home. My Father was abusive. My Mother was a drug addict. She had suicidal tendencies. I just didn’t know what love was because I never saw it. So, I didn’t understand who Jesus really was. I believed in Him but I didn’t know who He was. I would talk to Him and sing to Him and I would always go to Him when I was broken and hurting. I was sexually molested when I was a little girl. That broke me even more than I was already broken. So, when I was fifteen years old I sought love in everything other than the Lord. I sought love in men. I sought love in alcohol.
My friends invited me to a youth group. That’s where I met people who I wanted to be friends with. Girls would come up and say; “Hi, who are you? What’s your name? Who are you?” And it was just so sweet to be accepted into a family. They would do skits. They would do acting skits. They would get up and talk to each other. Everybody was just talking to each other.
I gave my life to the Lord. I said; “Jesus, I want you. I want you. I need you. I just want to be loved. I met a boy and he captured my heart the moment I met him because he was so pure. I had never before met a man who didn’t want me for my body honestly. We dated for about a year. Then we went on a mission trip to Honduras. It was my first mission trip. We went there and when we came back I was on this super spiritual high. I was like oh my God, I just laid hands on the sick. I just prayed with people. I am superwoman in the Lord. There is no way that I am coming down from this spiritual high.
So, we ended up hanging out alone. We started hanging out alone, him and I. And um, we fell. That’s when everything in our relationship changed as well. He started becoming very jealous and very controlling. Someone told him that he thought I was pretty and he came home to me that night and he hit me in the face. That is the first time he ever punched me and it never stopped. For eight years he physically abused me. I changed everything about myself for him. I literally took the Lord off of his throne and I put a man on it. I changed everything for him. I love singing. I absolutely adore singing. I love worshiping with everything that I am. I stopped singing for him because it brought attention to me. I stopped dressing in any way, no tank tops and no shorts, anything that would cause men to look at me or any attention to me at all. So, finally after eight years of being with him, he left me for one of my friends. He left me for another girl. That is when I completely broke. I had left everything for him. I had made him my God and now I had nothing. I tried to kill myself because I finally was at a point where I didn’t want to be alive anymore. When that didn’t happen, I went even further into a life of drugs and alcohol. I turned to prostitution. I started manipulating men. I started using what I knew that I could use and that was my body. I began dancing on different stages. I began selling myself for everything, for money, for drugs, for drinks, for anything that I could get out of anyone. I was dancing on a stage in Miami…. that’s when the Lord showed up. He showed up to me in my running. He said to me; “Kelley, who are you?” I heard him. He said; “Kelley, who are you? This is not who you are. Kelley, this is not the life I have for you. This is not you. You are mine.” I called someone and I asked them to take me to a hotel room. I went to the hotel room and I looked at myself in the mirror and I remember standing in front of the mirror. I had bruises all over my entire body because of the partying I had been doing. I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore. I wept before the Lord for five hours. It was five hours. I just kept weeping and kept crying. The pain that was in there from when I was a little girl was coming out of me and it just wouldn’t stop. I felt the presence of the Lord that night so strongly, so strong. I just felt like this is the first time I really, really, really felt the presence of the Lord. It was so tangible and it was all around me, just covering me. I just wept in his arms and I asked for forgiveness for everything that I had done and He made me new that night. Like really, He made me new.
I felt like I needed to go to church. To be honest with you, I was terrified. I was so afraid to go to church because I felt like the woman, the prostitute with the men that were about to stone her. I was sure that that was going to happen to me because everyone knew the life that I had been living. Everyone knew, they saw my Facebook posts. They saw my pictures. They saw me. They saw my life. Honestly, I was afraid that I was going to be shunned. I walked in terrified and I left accepted. And I left with friends. And I left with love. Honestly, I am sitting here today because of the love the church showed me. I have forgiven every one of my abusers, the one who molested me when I was a child I have forgiven by the grace of God. And my ex-husband I have forgiven.
So, when I gave my life to the Lord I knew life. I ended up just being full of life. I wanted this so desperately for my Mom, my Dad and for my brothers. I began to pray, pray and I never stopped praying. I prayed and I fasted for them. Since then my family has given their lives to the Lord.
My younger brother actually found the Lord in jail. He called me when he got out and he said; “Kelley, I gave my life to Jesus.” I was like; “I knew that would happen. Of course, you did.”
I had been involved in prostitution. Because of that, with that comes the feeling of being dirty, the feeling of being used and the feeling of being not good enough or not worthy of love. When I met the man that I married I found out that he was a virgin. He was twenty-four years old and I found out that he was a virgin. He never even really kissed a girl before. So, when I met him I was like; “Oh my God, what? Who am I to have someone like that? Who am I to even be standing next to someone so pure and so holy? That’s when the Lord spoke to me and said; “Kelley, absolutely not. You are a virgin. You are pure and you are holy. You might see him as the virgin but I see you as the virgin.
He sings in a Christian crossover band called “Mending Wall”. It’s a band that’s used to point to the Lord, to bring glory to the Lord. He and I lead worship together at church which I thought that I would never do because when I was married before I wasn’t allowed to sing. I have truly found freedom, joy, hope, love, peace and life.
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