My addiction was pornography, sexual addiction. While married, I’ve had numerous affairs. I have been a basketball coach in Christian schools. I’ve been a Sunday School teacher. I’ve done all these things. It never did last. I know I’m a born again believer. The problem was, I didn’t know how to look for help in what I was trying to mend and fix. I also had an alcohol problem. There was a day that I would have my first drink before I would have my first meal.
I guess the thing that I struggled with and tried to cover up or get passed or get through was the fact that I was sexually abused when I was younger. When I was ten or eleven years old a young man that lived next door would spend time with me. I had no male figure in my life showing me attention, so I liked being with him. We ended up at his home, and he showed me pornography. That’s when it all started. It then went from watching pornography to physical sexual abuse. I was afraid to tell anyone because I thought, “What if they don’t believe me?” So, I kept it to myself. The only person I told until I started my first Twelve Step program, was my wife.
One evening during the first Twelve Step Program I was ever involved in there were about seven or eight men sitting around a table. We had finished our lesson and answered our questions. That is when I told those men that I had been sexually abused. That started the healing process. I now have sponsors and accountability partners. I can go to them or call them at 10:00 am or 10:00 pm. I know I can talk to them and get through a tempting situation.
It’s kind of difficult to live your life without a computer. Now, my first thoughts when I sit down in front of my computer are no longer pornographic websites. The more time I spend with the Lord and in ministry the further and further those thoughts get from my mind. It is a fact that you cannot experience recovery without the Lord Jesus Christ. I am a firm believer, and proof, of that.
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