She said, “Can I help you?” I didn’t want to walk in there and say, “I’m here to have an abortion.”, because I was embarrassed. I had just rededicated my life to Jesus Christ. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but there was no way I could have this child, at all. I went to the little room. [It] had a small little couch, a little end table, a television, and a lamp. The worker comes in a says, “How can we help you today?” I said, “What are the results?” She said, “You’re pregnant.” I said, “Okay. Do you do abortions here?” She said, “No, this is a Christian center for women in crisis pregnancy. I thought, “Okay, well if you don’t do abortions here there’s no need for me to stay here and waste your time.” She said, “Well, do you mind kinda talking to me? Can I talk to you about this?” I said, “Look. I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it. I cannot have this child, and you don’t even know the first of it.” She was trying to talk to me just as much as she could.
I said, “I have no money. I have no job. I’m at Lee College (now Lee University), which if they find out I’m pregnant I’m gonna get kicked out anyway. I am a single parent of a two-year-old son. I don’t have anything. I don’t even have food. There’s no way I can have this child, and nothing you can say right now is going to change my mind. I have disappointed my parents since I was twelve years old. I’m done. I’m not doing this anymore. I just rededicated my life to Jesus Christ. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I’m done. As soon as I walk out of here I’m going to an abortion agency.
I remember her beginning to cry. She asked me, “Before you leave would you mind to watch this video?” So she comes in and puts this video on and leaves a little box of Kleenexes next to me.
This man begins to say, “It all began with a little swirl of blood” and you see the inside of a mother’s womb, and a baby breathing and moving. Then all of a sudden a needle comes through the womb. The solution began to squirt out of the end of the needle. Then the baby begins to convulse, and then it stops moving.
I remember parts of a baby being flung onto this cold silver tray; fingers and toes and feet, and hands and arms. I... Uh... I just didn’t understand that what abortion was. I thought maybe is was a pill that you took, and it then it was done. I didn’t know. I knew you walked in a Center, you walked out, and you weren’t pregnant anymore. So, I sat there and I... I cried. I... I mourned more for these children that I’d just watched being murdered, and I knew that wasn’t for me. There was no way that I would be able to do that.
I left that Center feeling hopeless helpless, desperate. About a week later I remember coming home from school, opening up my cabinets, and there being a bag of popcorn, nothing in my refrigerator but a little butter and maybe a little bit of milk. So I popped that bag of popcorn. I poured that milk and I gave it to my two-year-old son. I didn’t know anything about food banks or food stamps. I didn’t know I could go to a church and ask for help. I just knew that I didn’t have any food. My son ate that food and he drank that milk and went to bed.
I remember sitting in my living room against the wall, crying. I was hungry. I was sobbing because I was thinking, “How am I gonna get through this?” I remember just being so tired when I woke up in the morning. I thought, “I’m gonna get his jacket on and I’m gonna take him to the park, and he’ll forget he’s hungry. Then we’ll go from there. I don’t know where my next meal’s gonna come from.”
Inside I was so scared. I said, “Buddy, we’re gonna go to the park today. We’re gonna have so much fun.” I was thinking, “What am I gonna do when it’s over? What am I gonna do when he says, ‘Mommy, I’m hungry.” I didn’t have any food. I remember putting him in his stroller, pushing him across the living room floor, opening up the door. There were six bags full of groceries on my front door step. There were pancake mix and orange juice, milk, and bread, cheese, and eggs. I knew, at that time, I thought, “Everything’s gonna be OK. Jesus Christ, the Lord is telling me, “Trust in me and I will provide your every need.”
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