Filled my fatherless void with drugs.

They were divorced when I was two. He was an alcoholic. I don’t want to slam him but I think it filtered over. I think generationally that can happen. In middle school when I started playing sports, there would be many times to where my Dad would be like; “Yeah I will be at your event. I will be at your wrestling match.” He wouldn’t show up. You know I would think, subconsciously I wanted to bury that. So, I had my core group of what I would consider my friends. They were the ones that were there for me. We stuck together but all we did was party. We would have so much cocaine laying on the table to where, you know, you would go snort a line. I remember my nose exploding at one point time. From cocaine, we would go to acid. Then from acid, we would go to ecstasy. And from ecstasy to pcp. That’s what I did daily for years. Almost twenty years. For the first five years, we were married. You know, we partied. That’s what we did. That’s what I knew. That’s what she knew. And that’s what we did. You know, and Lord only knows how she lived with me for that whole year that she had given her life to the Lord. It was the morning of December 17th, 2011. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was laying in bed. My wife had gone to get ready because we were fixing to go to Gatlinburg. As I’m laying there it was like God just reached down and punched me in the face. It was, if you die right now, you're going to hell. That was a huge, huge, huge, that was the moment of shift for me because right there laying in my bed I was like; “Okay God, I’m all in. My life is yours now. Do with me what you will.” God took all the drugs from me. He took all the alcohol from me. He took all the anger from me. I used to fight a lot also. I loved fighting. Now we have awesome godly people around us, they’ve taught me, they are teaching me now still who I am supposed to be as a godly husband. And as a godly Dad. That was never modeled to me, ever. My Dad, my earthly Dad, we haven’t had a relationship. It’s just not good. We haven’t for a while. We tried many times to work that out. It just hasn’t happened. But now I know my Heavenly Father and now I know and I feel his love. He’s showed me his love and his care over and over and over again. That’s filled that void. God filled that void. Nothing else was going to be able to fill that void. So, God is good. You know, He just does it.