My father was an abusive alcoholic. He abused my mother and divorced her when I was three. Then my mother went on through my formative years married to three different men so I had actually four fathers that I grew up with. My home life, I never really had a father figure. I never had anybody that was my mentor or someone that gave me guidance.
I was always uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn’t know how to relate to others or fit in in that regard. There were things going on in the home that not unlike a lot of people, I experienced a lot of peer pressure. I noticed there were a lot of clicks or groups where people fit in or belonged to. People used to make fun of the clothes that I wore. I wasn’t fashionably correct with the type of clothes that they wore. I was bullied a lot in school. There were times in school when used to hide out in the restroom and allow the other kids to leave the school and get ahead of me so I didn’t have to be around other kids because I would get bullied. My mother was a protector. She protected me and encouraged me. She told me that I shouldn’t fight back.
There was a point in time when it had gotten out of hand that my step-father then began to encourage me to stand up for myself and to fight back. So, there was an actual time and event that happened when this one person, in particular, that was physically bullying me all of the time. I said; “I’ll fight you but I’m not going to fight you in school. You can come to my house. You know where I live.” So, he came to my house. I had a fight with him right there in my yard. Because of all this pent-up rage and anger that had been built up inside of me just physically I was wailing on the guy. I remember having him in a headlock and my step-father was standing in the yard witnessing this and watching this. I had him in a headlock and I began to drag him and move him toward the corner of the building. My step-father said: “Where are you going?” I said; “I’m taking him to the corner of the building because I am going to crush his head.” My dad said; “No, no, that’s it. We are done. We’ve gone far enough with this.” It was that point going forward that by standing up for myself and defending myself that the bullying began to stop.
I had my first drink when I was about fifteen or sixteen and I remember when that alcohol got into my system that it just melted all of those inhibitions and all of those feelings of not feeling like I fit or belonged to anything. It was like someone burst that bubble. All of my fears, anxieties, and inhibitions began to melt. I just felt like I had found the magic elixir to solve my problems.
I went into the Navy and that was where I got introduced to drugs with other guys, other shipmates. At this point in my life, I was financially, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.
I got another drunk driving arrest while I was in Los Angeles. I received mandatory AA meetings. I went to that first AA meeting in Beverly Hills California of all places under the order of the court. I had this image or this concept of people in AA being from skid row and seedy people, people that I couldn’t relate to. I felt like I was better than them and I didn’t belong there. So I walked into this meeting place that night in Beverly Hills California was there leaning against the wall in the back of the room, looking like a drunk hungover with bloodshot eyes. A man walked up to me and his name was Bruce Gleason. I will never forget his name as long as I live. He put his arm around me and he whispered in my ear and said; “If you’d like to come with me I have a vacant seat up near the front.” So I begrudgingly went with him and sat down next to him. Before the meeting started he reached over and put his arm around me again and whispered in my ear something that was very simple. What he said to me was, he said; “If you don’t ever want to take a drink or use again for the rest of your life you don’t have to.” It was like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders and I had a spiritual experience in my seat right there, that evening. God was doing something for me that I was unable to do for myself all of these years. I never had to white knuckle it from that point forward. God miraculously had lifted the cravings and the urge to drink or use drugs from me.
At about the four-year mark (four and a half year mark) of sobriety, my parents flew out from Michigan to visit me and my step-father who was my employer in Michigan before I left. They saw the change that had taken place in me and my step-father offered me my job back in his business in Michigan. So I left California and went back to Michigan and got involved in his business. This was another leading of God. Within six months to a year, I met my best friend and my wife. We just celebrated thirty years of marriage in August. For me, for where I came from this was impossible. God has just blessed me abundantly. I always reflect on that night in that AA meeting about the promises that were made to me if I didn’t drink or use a day at a time.
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