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Hope
I tried to live for the Lord and the Devil at the same time. I was straddling the fence, so to speak. It doesn’t work. I thought, “I can’t live it.”
Then they gang raped me. I came close to dying that night.
People ask; “What’s your biggest success story?” I’ll say; “Staying married.”
I made a choice. That day a healing process started in my life. Now I can look back and say, “Wow.
"I was trying to fix the hurts that were in my life by just numbing them. It wasn’t working. I knew something was wrong because I was ready to kill myself."
I decided I was going to get up and I decided I was going to get in my car and drive up Glendora Mountain Road where teenagers would always drive drunk, and every few years someone would end up driving off a cliff.
As you can imagine, I got very depressed. I pulled my car in one of those garages and tried to kill myself.
And God clearly said; “You are going to die this year.” I remember it scared me.
I thought that I had nothing to live for. I thought that I was the most worthless mother on the face of the earth. I was no good as a wife. As a mother. As a daughter. As a friend
I looked down and my knuckles were bleeding. I had decided at that point and time that I was going to commit suicide.