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Hope
Really, I wanted to die. I was doing all the things that were killing me anyway. I had so much pain, hurt, and hatred I didn’t know how to process any of it.
When a child grows up thinking abuse is what love from a parent looks like, you don’t know it’s so horrifically wrong until someone else tells you.
I remember of walking on a bridge in New York City, hearing an evil presence. As I looked over the edge of the bridge I heard a voice say, “Jump. It’ll be all over.”
"I started to understand that was the void I was trying to fill is that I didn’t have Him in my life."
I made a choice. That day a healing process started in my life. Now I can look back and say, “Wow.
One day he brought a friend with him to also have sex with me. I then realized he didn’t love me. He just thought he could use me and get sex from me.
I realized it was me. I was the one that had the problem. That was the first step in getting the help that I needed.
I was addicted to pornography, I was addicted to masturbation. I was addicted to sex. I was also a heterosexual male
"By the time I was in puberty I had one foot in the homosexual world, one in the heterosexual world, and I didn’t know how I got there."
My husband helped me a lot. He cried. He prayed. When I would go back out and do wrong again he would come looking for me. He would forgive me.