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Hope
Growing up I didn't have a very personal view of God.
She later told that she was thinking about suicide, and that it was my simple hello that had let her know that she was alive.
"Suddenly I felt the real power and presence of God. It was like fire and electricity shooting through my body."
I began to fill it with my surroundings, which was women and alcohol. It wasn’t long until I found myself with a $70,000 a year cocaine addiction.
So, I had a glass of wine and I got a buzz. I thought; “This is pretty good.” I was immediately addicted.
"I was trying to fix the hurts that were in my life by just numbing them. It wasn’t working. I knew something was wrong because I was ready to kill myself."
I decided I was going to get up and I decided I was going to get in my car and drive up Glendora Mountain Road where teenagers would always drive drunk, and every few years someone would end up driving off a cliff.
"The place that was a dark place to start with became my refuge."
And God clearly said; “You are going to die this year.” I remember it scared me.
I thought that I had nothing to live for. I thought that I was the most worthless mother on the face of the earth. I was no good as a wife. As a mother. As a daughter. As a friend